Health and Interpersonal Conflict

I am reflecting today on how striving toward personal health, or anything else for that matter, sometimes conflicts with others' goals or desires. I have a strong desire to have harmonious relationships with others; however, conflict is inevitable. Over the course of my training in psychology, I have been exposed to science and philosophical writings about conflict and know that conflict is not always bad. In fact, conflict can be very positive if we can position ourselves to approach conflict healthily and see it as an opportunity for growth instead of as destructive.

So, in the midst of interpersonal conflict today, I am going to spend some reflective time thinking about my values in relationship with others and my values in striving toward personal health. My hope for myself and for others is that we can attempt to approach conflict lovingly, mindful of others and mindful of ourselves.

I would love to be encouraged by hearing others' ideas about this topic. If it's in your heart to post something, please post it. My heart is heavy this morning, and I need some inspiration.

With much love and peace to all,
Shelly

Inspiring Moments of Health

It is day nine of my journey toward health. I have adhered to my diet plan these nine days, and I have been rewarded with weight loss so far of 5.4 pounds. I have noticed that most days it has not been as difficult as I thought it would be to adhere to my eating plan. I am encouraged that it has been easier than expected. It's funny how most times your mind makes things out to be more difficult than they actually are if you really just decide to have the experience and see what it is like instead of avoiding the experience because you listened to your mind.


In addition to adhering to my diet, I have been incorporating other healthy practices into my days. One of the healthiest practices I have found for myself is daily meditation. Meditation is simple. Mine this past week have consisted of downloading some meditation music from Itunes (you don't have to do this to meditate, but I wanted to because I find that music is soothing), finding a quiet place in my house to sit or lie down, turning the lights down low, sometimes lighting candles, and quieting my mind by noticing my breath, body, and thoughts/ feelings. If you have ever meditated, you know that meditation is a state of non-judgmental awareness of your present-moment experience without feeling the need to change it or make it be something specific. I usually close my eyes during my meditation practice, but one night this week I decided to keep them open and meditate while looking at the candles I lit. Afterwards, I was inspired to write a piece of poetry based on my meditation on candles. The poem is included below.

Candle Meditation

Held in the blistering light

Burning, the thread reaches toward the heavens

the body sits, cloudy

then clear with time

six small flames purify their substance

Nothing

is left clinging

One

burns away at its meat, slowly

the cloudiness takes time to clear

even with the cleansing heat

Burn slowly then

Chart your course

even though it differs from the others

They will wait

Sometimes clinging flesh needs eons to let go

and run down

clear and smooth

What is the point in trying to be where you are not

In time, you will all cool again and cloud

You the last of all perhaps

***************************************************************************

These words came to me rapidly after my sitting. They held a lot of meaning for me that I hadn't pondered while writing them down. Life works that way sometimes if you leave time for reflection, I suppose.

Peace and health to anyone who reads (and even those who choose not to)!

~Shelly

The journey begins

May 11, 2010



The key to change is to let go of fear. ~Roseanne Cash

I think the journey to a healthier life is a journey about letting go of my fears. I often make poor food choices because there is something that I fear I will lose if I eat in a more healthy manner. Maybe I fear I will lose pleasure, maybe I fear I will lose the distraction that food often is from my anxieties about life.

Yesterday, as I walked to my car after work, I noticed that I also fear or am averse to physiological arousal that exercise creates. If I get winded, I am afraid of others judging me for being an out-of-shape person. Well, guess what? They are going to think that anyway because the vast majority have eyes! So, I decided, instead of buying into this fear or anxiety that my mind created, I would walk faster and visualize my heart growing stronger and stronger the more I pushed myself to experience physiological symptoms, which is more in line with what I know about physiology of the body. And, for my brief walk, I felt comforted by this image. Also, in that moment, I cared more about the strength of my heart than I did about strangers' impressions, and I felt empowered.

I find the predictions that our minds make very interesting. And, when I reflect on the ones that my mind makes (and then even write it down here), I feel that I could bust out in belly laughs. My mind is a big, fat con artist that tells me the most ludicrous stories! The funniest part is how much I believe them without even challenging them.

Today, I am practicing awareness of the stories that my mind tells me, and I am examining these stories with curiosity to see what I think about them when I pay attention without acting immediately on them.

If you read this, I challenge you to pay attention to what your mind tells you and if that gets in the way of any form of health for you. Brave ones -- post about it!

Peace,

Shelly

Choose Health

Over the course of this year, I have been inspired by my supervisor, Jon, who encourages us as beginning therapists to, "Expect health!" from our clients and from ourselves. His words and deeds have inspired me to think about choosing health for myself in many domains of my life. In writing this blog, I am challenging its readers, and myself, to choose health and seek a community that supports choosing health and maintaining accountability for choosing health. I hope this can be an open forum for discussion about different areas in our lives that we choose to pursue health, set goals for ourselves, and report our success in achieving those goals. In saying that, there is no way to fail seeking health. I strongly believe that we will deviate from the path of health again and again, AND, that we can continue to come back to the path again and again.

So, I will begin by sharing with you my desire and my plans to choose health, and I sincerely hope that you will choose to join me on this journey by sharing your own story with me and other readers.

April 8, 2010 -- Shelly

I am a 34-year-old (soon to be 35) graduate student/ psychology intern/ mother/ wife/ friend. Over the course of the last 8 years, I have put on a substantial amount of weight. I believe that this significant amount of weight has affected my health and well-being. When I look in the mirror, I try to look at myself with love and compassion. But, sometimes I find it difficult to do this because I do not like what I see. Since I have become obese, I feel that others look at me and treat me differently, too. And, as most of you I am sure are already aware, there is research to back this up.

By telling you this, I am not seeking sympathy, and I am not attempting to create a sob story. I know that I have actively chosen obesity for myself. However, today, I want to choose something different. And, I know that any moment of any hour of any day that I have the power to CHOOSE something different for myself. This is comforting to me!

Yesterday, I decided that I had had enough. Just over a year ago, I joined Weight Watchers online, and I lost over 20 lbs. As of yesterday, I had gained about 10 of those lbs. back. So, I decided that enough is enough, and it is up to me to choose health for myself if I really want it. And, I do. The first step for was joining Weight Watchers again. This did not come without its own set of challenges because joining Weight Watchers is one thing, but being honest with myself is something completely different. Honesty means tracking my diet and exercise truthfully so that I can achieve the results that I want -- physical health so that I can live.

This morning when I got up, I logged onto Weight Watchers. I was very reluctant to be truthful in logging my food because I ate more than my points allotted yesterday, and I knew this was going to make me feel upset. This struggle to be honest with myself about my health is what gets in my way frequently because I convince myself that I have good reasons for making the choices I make. Some of my excuses include, "I am stressed out, so I shouldn't make changes right now," "I will be more honest/ start over tomorrow," or, "I can't do this." These are some of the thoughts that keep me stuck in a state of poor physical health.

So, I chose to be honest in my reporting. This helped me to feel empowered. Choosing honesty with yourself is sometimes very difficult. Today, I choose to be honest with myself in the service of walking the path of health!

This is my story today. I sincerely hope that you will share your story, too, so that we can learn and be inspired by each other's journeys. My hope is that we can all feel connected to a community that supports health!

Today, let's CHOOSE HEALTH!